my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
