before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
