When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
