I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
