woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
did you just send me my own nude
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
