i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
