Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
