Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
