mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
