I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
