Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
farters have to be the big spoon...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
