There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
