I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
