A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
