Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
