i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
