dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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