Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
