Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
