he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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