Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
