Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
