Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
