Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
