why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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