3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
