Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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