I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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