Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Your penis caused this!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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