it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize