omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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