there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
