i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
