If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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