he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
