Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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