she woke up with a sticky ear
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
