I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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