she woke up with a sticky ear
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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