So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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