I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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