You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
