hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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