idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
