just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize