Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize