So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
