final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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