And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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