Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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