Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
