So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Do vagina's smell?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
