If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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