i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize