I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
