I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we made out on top of his cat.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
