you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
