The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
