it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
