you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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