Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
