I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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