two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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