i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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